Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Love Life and make the most of it...

beware this is a long one...

Since being back in London I have been doing a lot of thinking about life, where I am in it and where I want to be. For the past few months I have been not overly happy living in London, and about this time last week had pretty much decide was going to leave the UK and take off travelling again for a few months, decide what I want to do in life, where I want to do it, and who (if anyone) I want to do it with. Heck I'd even bought a ticket back to Spain with Dade when he flies back after his two week trip here in August. I thought i was set, just plans to firm up, money to save...Still a lot of stress involved, since everything i wanted to do would cost a bit, but hey, I could work my guts off (harder) and make it happen like i always do. Some of you with eagle eyes may even had seen, for a brief moment a post on this blog hinting at my plans and with 6 goals i wanted to achieve by the end of the year...

Then something triggered a moment of clarity and it suddenly dawned on me it was the situation i had put myself in that was getting me down, stressing me out and by constant thinking that i didn't want to be here, i was not giving my job or London a chance. Basically for the past six months I've been so busy looking forward and planning and wanting more exciting things that i have been forgetting to live a lot of the time.

Add to that the fact that realistically if I took off in August I would maybe just have scrapped together enough money to survive the year but i would come out the other side of it with 1) no money 2) no job 3) no visa for the UK and would probably have set myself back to where i was a few year ago... Yeah i would have experienced and seen amazing things, but those things are not going anywhere... and to be fair i have not really experienced all that the UK has to offer.

So, I've decided to stay and make a proper go of it here. I have a good job, with potential to develop in it, i just hadn't been giving it anywhere near my full potential. I had a steady income from working two jobs, and with careful management i will be able to pay of debt, save and have a life at the same time. I just have to remember to live a little and not get bogged down in all the negatives of it all...

So here is my updated list of goals...

1. Take some time for myself, do the things I've always wanted to do and stop living for the approval of other people.
2. Learn to just chill and relax - not to think so much and slow down and give each day the attention that it deserves.
3. Learn to dive.
4. Discover and make the most of what living in London means.
5. Give my all to my job, gain valuable work experience and take every opportunity they offer. Learn from the pros there.
6. Learn a new language.
7. Spend Christmas with those who mean something to me (though admittedly I can't entirely control the outcome of this one - what are YOU up to a Christmas??)

They are pretty much the same as the ones i had made this time last week as surprisingly i have found with an open mind i can achieve my dreams whether here or elsewhere in the world... Plus if i stick it out for another year, i can continue the progress I've made financially, so that I can realistically take off travelling and discover the rest of the world, whilst not crippliing myself again, plus i might even be able to secure my working future in Europe...

Since I've made that decision its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and the constant knot at the base of my neck has slowly started to unwind...

Will finish this here for now, but stay tuned for updates of how I am going...

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