Christmas is a wonderful time of year for some, and I hope it is for you. Sadly for me Christmas has never been a time for celebrations, instead usually family arguments, leaving home, the memory of my brothers death (1 week before Christmas; thanks to a dickhead drunk driver), and now the loss of access to see my daughter (after bringing her up for 8 years), because her mom is..... (fill in the blanks), so as you can see not alot of reasons to be happy at Christmas.
This year was no different, what a fiasco it turned out to be - I booked my trip arrived as expected, had to stay with another friend because the one I expected to stay with didn't answer their phone, messages or emails: thanks!
I got to see China and as expected the atmosphere was frosty (even for this time of year), I took her out for the day and got her to help me choose what she wanted for Christmas, last year I went a little crazy with the presents, but this time I took it easier - I managed to spend around 8 hours with China before returning her home, which again was no simple task.
If you ever have had to leave someone behind you care for so dearly you will know how hard this is, to walk away knowing the next time you see them could be months from now.
My ex decided she wanted to "chat" as she had company there I declined (when I say company her new guy) - then got loads of phone calls 'telling me' what I MUST do, sorry to say once I left that relationship I have no responsibility to her, only China. Which I try to do what I can but when I don't get the simple things like time with her, it makes me bitter to even do that.
Anyway very long story short - it ended in a full blown row on the phone the conclusion been - "you can no longer see your daughter" (said my ex) - GREAT !! Merry Fucking Christmas!!! Why is it that the person that matters always loses out? Why is it when you treat someone well they shit on you? Why is it life is so unfair?
Well the long and short of this week is this I shall not be returning to the UK at all next year (unless its an emergency), I simply cannot put up with this bullshit anymore. I have tried to be cordial, I have helped, I have tried to make the most of what we have and its never enough, so no more!
On the flip side of the trip I got to catch up with my cousin who sadly needs some guidance in her life as she is surrounded by nobodys and people going no where fast - No I'm not saying I'm all that, but at 18 you do need some guidance, and I really hope she gets it. Her boyfriend is a knob and a waste of oxygen, her mom is trying hard but keeps falling, its a shame that the family unit in England isn't like that of Indians or Spaniards because they stick together and help each other get what they need; family is the MOST important thing in their culture, in English culture, no! Its who has the most Bling or the best this or that, sad really!!
Question: Why is it we put up with things that don't make us happy?? Yes it would be far harder to change it for something else or go it alone, but why stay in a situation that you are miserable with?? Is it ultimately worth it -=- When I have changed my situations I usually feel far better for it and usually regret not doing it sooner, so why do some people stick in a bad situation?
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