Monday, October 13, 2008

Reflecting

Today my brother would have celebrated his 30th Birthday, sadly he was taken from this world by a drunk driver 12 years ago; the week before Christmas, so obviously this is hardly a fun time of year for me.

It's strange to think had he still been here what would have become of him?
What would he be doing? With who? Would he be married? Have kids!?
All these questions are of course redundant but it doesn't stop one thinking what may have been.

For those of you that don't know him and for you too China, your uncle Stephen or Punch to me was a very quiet slim long haired young man, I always seen him in a band or maybe something to do with computers - I got him into computers along time ago and he almost become as fascinated by them as I am.

Punch loved Queen and UB40 and his favourite film was The Crow - may give you an idea of his darker side. He never really got the chance to blossom which was a shame.
Sadly I was so keen to start out on my own life that I didn't spend as much time as I should of with him, of course now I regret that wholeheartedly!

One story I will share which was not long before the last time I saw him -
Punch had moved to Leicester and came back to visit, I was living in Telford at this point.
He told me how dangerous it was in Leicester and that he 'HAD TO' carry a knife (this was before knife crime was so bad, but it was beginning) anyhow, I explained that it was pointless - not the knife it was VERY pointy! But the fact he had to carry one, either he would get into trouble or have it used against him - he's tall, slim (nothing to him really) and far from violent.

He tried to continue his arguement at this point I said to him that actions speak louder than words, and told him put his knife where ever he was going to keep it - and then attack me; for real!
He put the knife into his pocket and then removed it and went to come at me, at this point I pivoted on my heel and did a spinning kick into his chest knocking him flying into the Christmas tree behind him! Harsh I know but really I wanted him to know that he was playing a dangerous game, and trust me when I say I really did pull my kick and didn't give it my all.

Luckily he took the point and decided against carrying the knife; so I managed to save him from one danger but not the other - I had always told him whenever he needed me I would be there and everytime I was, but the one time I REALLY needed to be there I couldn't and that hurts.

The track below is one I chose for punch's funeral and it was more for the fact as I said one of his favourite groups and mine and also the message behind the song - we still had much to do, only now it was upto me to live the life for us both.
Since this point I have indeed crossed many rivers as I promised and continue to do so.
Should you be looking down on me from time to time I hope you are happy with how much I changed to become a better person and the fact I'm trying to live a better life.


The one thing I do recall is how everyone kept on doing what they do, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at them to stop and take notice of what had happened, what I had lost - lesson: the world does go on regardless.

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