Friday, October 08, 2010

Hello darkness my old friend

The weather today looks as miserable as I feel and have being for quite sometime.
I came back to the UK to sort of out a life for me and my family, only to have that taken away again, regardless of the effort I had put in. It seems no matter how hard you try for some people it will never be enough. I'm angry with some of the choices that I made but they were at least my choices, but now I need to learn to make the right choices in order to move forward. Since the split I have had some very dark days and a few wobbles, some more serious than others and after several looooong chats with some friends I know Telford at least, isn't going to give me what I want and need. I also need to seek professional help as it's thought I have a bi-polar spectrum disorder.

I have decided that I'm off women too. No, I haven't changed sides, regardless of what some people may think already. I just need much more time to sort myself out - with that in mind I am going to move away for a year. I will still pursue my photography as I really enjoy it and believe there can be a future in it. But I haven't learnt as much as I expected here, so more effort and more like minded people to grow and learn from required.

I feel that I have let some people down but sadly the state I'm in is not good and I cannot offer them what they want or need right now, giving myself time and space will hopefully fix that. Newdawn still exists and for now I will be behind the scenes more and Huss will take the reigns. So if I go quiet for a while, like I have been, don't worry I'm just trying to get my life back in order again, no matter what they say it doesn't get any easier.


Unknown said...

Good luck in this new process...nothing last forever.. no good nor bad.. so..give time to time..cheers

becomingkate said...

Breakups are tough! (but usually for a reason...years from now, when you're very much in love, you'll remember this time)

Rockinon said...

First, and I'm not joking, don't let depression get you down. I've suffered through some terrible depressions but I eventually learned "Why wait for tomorrow to move on? Do it now!" I hope you find some outlet for you photography. You are quite good. I taught photography for years and worked in the industry, I'd have loved having you as a student. Stay focused, I'm confident that you'll do just fine. (Before posting this I took a quick cruise through your Facebook stuff. Many of your images are so fine. I loved the Slinky winner picture. You're an inspiration.)

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